Pinup!

So after attending the Orlando model Meet & Greet, I fiddled through the pile of business cards stuffed in my purse. Looked at them, mentally noting which ones to shoot with; yes, no, yes, no, maybe… but then I signed into my profile on notable model and photographer site http://www.modelmayhem.com/ and checked out the photographers I had on there already, and reviewed their talents. Bingo! Spotted one. Known as Abbazia (first name Al), the man had talent when it came to shooting retro and vintage inspired shoots, with special attention to pinup revival. Of the three years I’ve modeled, I hadn’t found a respectable enough vintage photographer to work with, but this time, looking over his portfolio, I believed I had met a ‘pinup God’. I scheduled a shoot with him right away.

Pinup has always held a quaint, sweet spot in my heart. I’ve always been attracted to the way the women looked of the era; the big, gleaming smiles, the crimson rouge on the lips, the curvy hips, stockings and garter belts, the undeniable sexiness they possessed without even trying.

There’s some photographers that you click with and others, not so much. From the model’s point of view, it’s important for the model and photographer to meet at some common ground, be on the same page as to what they’re trying to capture, as a team. With Abbazia, this was effortless. We began the shoot with 80’s music playing in the background (music always makes any shoot more fun and relaxing), me laughing at his jokes, and trying to tune his Labrador dog out, as she wanted all the attention on her, instead of me. 😀

We did three looks, one with a green metallic corset from which had been sitting in my closet, dying to be used for over one year now, another with a retro navy blue striped Victoria’s Secret number, and one with a cocktail hat and a purple corset. And fishnets? You bet your sweet ass. This is what we came up with…

My absolute favorite

This one was a little more burlesque inspired, but nevertheless, came out great too.

A take on burlesque...

I’m in love with how Abbazia revives vintage advertisements…

The man knows what he’s doing, and that is why, I will definitely welcome a future invitation for anymore pinup and burlesque photographic adventures. Viva la pinup!

27 things Camille loves

1. Music– I’m very eclectic and random when it comes to music, most of the stuff I like, is more underground and on the Indie side, but I also appreciate a few mainstream artists. I can go from classics like Billie Holiday and Frank Sinatra to more current day, electronica like Deadmau5 or pop like Kate Nash. See? Told you I was random.

2. Nature– there’s nothing in the media today that can compare to the sound of waves, the ambient trickle of rain, or the power of a beautiful sunny day to lighten your mood.  Go outside, explore, and appreciate it.

3. Dancing– talk about freedom of expression. Doesn’t matter what kind of moves you got, as long as your confident in yourself and feel free, go on with it!

4. Traveling– I think everyone should own a passport, and utilize it. There’s a whole world out there, waiting to be discovered. There’s something satisfying about embarking on an adventure where nothing is as it seems, nothing is what you’re used to. Traveling enables you to gain a sense of humility, and realize that, not everything is how you see it. This gives you a deeper sense of appreciation for the differences in people around the globe. Now go get that passport!

5. Art– Gustav Klimt, Henry Matisse, Frida Kahlo, Georgia O’Keefe, Jack Vettriano…I could go on. I love art. Love the diversity of it, the freeness of it, the uncensored nature enabling art to be whatever you want it to be…

6. Photography– Upon investing in a new camera, I’ve taken advantage of the many beautiful spots Florida has to offer, photographing mostly nature (flowers, leaves, trees, water, sunsets, etc.). I love how excited I get when I wake up to a beautiful sunny day, opening the door a new wave of possibilities in photography.

7.) Coffee– Okay, this is a big one. I am definitely one of those with a caffeine addiction, it’s bad. I think it started when I began college, it helped me to stay up late doing homework. I can drink coffee all day, everyday. I typically have 3 cups in the morning, and some at night. Yes I’m one of those people who will have a cup at 8:30 pm. I just love coffee. It’s become part of my morning routine for the past 6 years.

8.) Crafts– I’ve always been a creative individual, love to make things with my hands, whether it be painting pots, ceramics, creating wreaths, christmas crafts, anything really. I’m dangerous in craft stores; if I plan to go in for one item I come out with ten.

9.) Hiking– love to be outdoors, especially with my camera in tow. Florida boasts many state parks which are ideal for good exercise and getting in touch with nature.

10.) The ocean– The ocean shares many admirers around the world; the sea means something special to each person. I find the ocean calming, better than any medicine out there. To go and just relax, drifting off into a daydream, hear the gradual approach of the waves, the occasional seagull flying above, the smell of the sea…nothing compares. It beats any residential pool. I live in walking distance of the ocean now, and I take full advantage of it, being outdoors often.

11.) Sushi– This was a gradual like; in high school, the mere thought of touching raw fish disgusted me, but, they say your taste buds change every seven years, so, I grew a salivary appreciation for it. I’m not really a fan of tempura, as it makes me feel full and bloated quickly. I typically go for anything with eel, cream cheese, cucumber, tuna, crab or salmon. Tasty, healthy, not to mention a good dose of Iodine (beneficial for the thyroid).

12.) Flowers– I know, it’s so cliché , but I don’t care. I’m a girl who never gets tired of flowers. They’re the classic sign of adoration, love, and happiness; not to mention, the smell of fresh flowers in a home is intoxicating.

13.) Modeling– I’ve been modeling now for about 3.5 years, and I love it. It’s always fun to mold yourself into something and be a  photographer’s creative canvas. I enjoy the freedom and diversity that comes with it.

14.) Low-Carb diet– My diet consists of a lot of vegetables, poultry and beef. I limit carbohydrate intake to about twice a week, but it’s always a whole grain carbohydrate. I drink soda rarely, I think once or twice a month if that. And fast food? Let’s just say that happens once a month. I’ve found that since revamping my diet I’ve become leaner, healthier, feel better, and hey, dropping a few pant sizes never hurt anybody right?

15.) Shopping– Okay so this one might as well be synonymous with being female but, it’s always fun to invest in some retail therapy every now and then. Some of my favorite retail jaunts: Forever 21, New York & Company, Charlotte Russe, Ross, TJ Maxx, even Target. I’ve always been a bargain hunter, a frugal fashionista.

16.) Laughter– There’s something powerful and infectious about laughter that does benefits for our soul.

17.) Photo-editing– This is something I’ve recently found I am pretty damn good at, considering never taking a course in it. I could do this all day, I get very excited upon returning from a photo adventure and can’t wait to play with the shadows, brightness, saturation, and other changeable factors of a photograph. Fun stuff!

18.) German Beer– okay so this is partly due to me being together with Martin, but, without trying to sound unpatriotic, American beer doesn’t hold a candle to German beer! German beer is heartier, more robust, and all around tastier. My favorites: Paulaner, , Franziskaner.

19.) Tim Burton films– Although I don’t spend a whole lot of time in front of the television, I do deeply appreciate director Tim Burton’s creative genius in filmography. He’s the brainchild of the Batman movies, Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare before Christmas, and my personal favorite, Big Fish. There’s a creative, colorful look to his films. And also a sense of wonder and fantasy, but at times also a melancholic disposition that I’m attracted to. Great producer.

20.) Makeup– I love makeup, love experimenting with different colors, love being a girl. Enough said?

21.) Norway– I went there about 3 years ago, it was my first trip out of the USA, and I welcomed it with open arms. The country boasts an amazing landscape (fjords, rocky terrain, winding waterways), the food is predominantly from the sea (lots of prawns, fish, lobster, etc.) and the country boasts some of the best chocolate this side of the moon.

22.) My iPod– Although a possession, I’ve become dependent upon this handy little gadget from Apple to get me through the day with my tunes.

23.) Pencil skirts– Love them, a throwback to retro, and rightfully so, since they play up the female shape. Classy and sexy.

24.) My camera– I’m a self-professed camera whore, taking pictures of everything. I take it with me wherever I go, I snap pictures of things that grab my interest. I love to record life in front of the camera.

24.) My family– without them I wouldn’t be who I am today. They helped me come into my own, I’m grateful everyday for their strict ways, forcing me to do chores, finish homework, setting curfews, instilling a good work ethic in me, it was a sometimes interesting ride to adult, but looking back, I’m happy of the things they did to get me here.

26.) Cooking– I love to cook; I’m not one of those ‘microwave queens’, blasting my shelf-life food with rays of radiation. I don’t buy those frozen meals or TV dinners (hello, sodium overdose!) I tend to cook everything fresh, I use a lot of vegetables, olive oil (a must), garlic salt, and an array of other spices. Some of the dishes I frequently whip up can be seen in the post, https://camilligence.wordpress.com/2010/12/20/you-are-what-you-eat/.

27.) Being myself!!! 🙂

2010 Orlando Model & Photographer Meet & Greet

So last year, photographer extraordinaire and friend, Meg Schutz, invited me to go to an annual gathering  of photographers and models called the Meet & Greet. For whatever reason, couldn’t make it last year, probably due to something academically related or some other ball and chain…so this year I came to check it out.

To start, I was already digging the scene because the venue they chose was one of my favorite bars, Ember, in downtown Orlando. I’ve spent many birthdays there as well as many laughter filled nights out with friends. But wow, did that place look different during the day! I arrived right on time, parked in a parking deck directly across from Ember and walked in. I was greeted by a couple different photographers, some I had recognized from http://www.modelmayhem.com/or just in passing. I introduced myself, made a little sticky name tag for my shirt and took a seat. I ordered a flat bread and took in the atmosphere, it was pretty cool. The photographers were playing show and tell with their portfolios, explaining their camera equipment. I flipped through some of them…some photographers very talented and some, not so much. But of course it’s polite to just smile and take a business card.

Meg walked in and I gravitated toward her. I love Meg. Not only is she an amazing photographer, but her personality is just so infectious to be around. She’s full of giggles and unassuming grins. Just a joy to be around and to work with. I’ve always enjoyed working with Meg because her and I both share a mutual appreciation for the unconventional, the abstract, the different, ‘out-of-the-box’ concepts for photo shoots. You’ll never see Meg do a shoot on railroad tracks or do some otherwise boring head shots- she’s way ahead of her time. She has a knack for the different, and has the ability to capture the mood in a lot of her photography, which is killer. Good stuff.

With Meg...

Meg and I mingled with some of the other models, exchanging ideas, concepts, and flipping through each other’s work. It was indeed interesting. I met a male models, female models, skinny models, curvy models, a nude model, a fetish model, a squeaky clean model. I didn’t know where I fell in when it came to the categorization of models. I don’t do nudes, and definitely not fetish.  But I don’t lack in creativity, that’s evident in some of the work I’ve done with Meg. It’s not that I’m a prude, but those things just don’t interest me, so why would I model a theme of that nature? I could care less if someone poses with bondage and sadomasochistic props, but that’s just not me. Of course with modeling, it’s about being moldable, the ability to transform yourself and immerse yourself into the moment. But, it also enables you to be your own canvas, you can be whatever you want to be or not be. To make a beautiful photograph, you really have to feel or identify with what you’re shooting, and if you can succeed in that mission, you’ve accomplished the task of being a great model. I liked the mix of people, there was about 50 people there, Meg said that’s small group compared to last year, but nevertheless, it was about networking; I got some good feedback, shared ideas, left with a purse full of business cards and met some photographers to put on my ‘To shoot with’ list.

Model meet & Greet

My tastebuds love Toblerone

I was never one of those kids that Mom worried about due to a bizarre addiction to candy, to the point of tooth decay. I would, on occasion, enjoy a cookie or cinnamon roll just like any other child, but I never ate candy like it was my job. Fast forward 20 or so years…I’ve recently discovered the edible beauty that is Toblerone.  The chocolate was developed in Bern, Switzerland in 1908 by Theodor Tobler and Emil Baumann. Although more abundant in European countries, the chocolate can be found in stores in the U.S. such as World Market and sometimes Wal-Mart, although their selection is limited. I like World Market better because they offer more international products, thus, have more of a selection.

It’s hard to eat just a few pieces. I’ve been known to sometimes put away a whole bar! My favorite is the white chocolate. All the Toblerone bars come in a distinct triangular shape, and vary from milk chocolate, white chocolate and dark chocolate. The chocolate bars are loaded with honey and nougat, and also come in different variations especially around the holidays.

I find myself reaching for these every time I make a stop at World Market. They  just make my day go by better, calmer, sweeter :-). I recommend you go try one of these tastebud delights and you’ll see why mine are hopelessly addicted! Cheers!

You and that dangerous red dress…

I recently had the opportunity to do a shoot unlike any other I’ve done before. A young boy by the name of Josh, on the brink of his ‘coming of age’ ceremony within the Jewish faith, his Bar Mitzvah. The family honored their son’s wishes by pursuing a James Bond theme for his celebration. Everything from the venue down to his professional photographs. When my photographer friends Mike and Lauren called me up asking me if I’d like to be a potential ‘Bond girl’ for his photographs, I obliged.

The family couldn’t have picked a more beautiful location for the shoot. The Portofino Bay hotel adjacent to Universal Studios in Orlando. In a word, breathtaking. The hotel is modeled after, you guessed it, Portofino, Italy. Everything is muddled down to a Mediterranean science, from the cobblestone alleys, the outdoor cafes, the colorful stucco high rises with verandas…there’s even a small lake in front of the hotel, dotted with small rowboats.

Hotel by night

Ducks in the lake in front of the hotel

You really did feel like you were in Italy for that six hour cut out of time.  The interior of the hotel was equally impressive as the outside, the corridors were designed to resemble a night promenade in Portofino.

Even though it was a hotel corridor, there was definitely romantic ambiance.

I met Josh outside in the courtyard which began the shoot. A short 13 year old kid with hair like Justin Bieber. Very quiet, seemingly nervous. The whole shoot Mike was joking with me that I was making this kid weak in the knees by just posing next to him. Haha 😀 Josh was the focal point of the shoot, after all these were for his Bar Mitzvah. So I let him soak up the camera while I played into the Bond girl role, gently cupping my palm on his shoulder, gazing off, a mysterious object in the background…

One of my favorites...

As Josh’s shoot came to a close, Mike, Lauren and I snuck off into unchartered territory of the hotel. Lauren was in love with my red dress and really wanted to get some shots. The Portofino’s architecture, from the winding spiral staircases, the verandas, the archways, everything about that place provided beautiful scenery for piecing together a nice, classy photo shoot.

I love the colors in this shot...

I don’t have a whole lot of red in my closet, it’s not particularly one my sought-after colors. But, looking back on this photo shoot, I must say, it panned out quite nicely…

The night came to a close, and our time was spent at the Portofino. Mike, Lauren and I grabbed some dinner. Even though it’s a hotel, I really think I could live there, just, the atmosphere is so intoxicating-literally. From the constant aroma of garlic in the air, to fresh brewed Espresso, to people jiving away to big band and swing, it’s like my own little Italian playground, right in the heart of Orlando no less. Is that weird? I don’t know and I don’t care, I just know that I love that place. 😀

Swimwear

There’s something that sets the mind at ease when the words ‘beach’, ‘water’ and ‘sun’ come into view.  I’ve always enjoyed doing beach shoots, to be at the edge of the ocean, showcasing it’s extravagant beauty while still captivating the camera as a model. One advantage of moving to Florida is dispensing myself at the hands of many scenic inter coastal waterways and oceanfronts…

 

Not just in one beach shoot, but all my beach shoots, I wanted the photographer to capture the surroundings; the tawny, crystallized sand, the bright blue sky, and the relentless wash of waves upon the coast. To have a successful photo shoot depends on the model, what kind of message she wants to convey, but also the photographer, and his efforts to capture the essence of the moment.

Mike & Lauren are good friends of mine. They’re a husband and wife photography team. I’ve worked with them on various shoots in and around Orlando. Sometimes they like to use me to add to their portfolio, which, in the industry, is called a ‘trade for print’. Instead of charging money, you exchange time and talents, and everybody is equally happy. You get exposure, they get exposure.

One of my favorite areas to shoot is in Ponce Inlet. I love the underdeveloped, rural simplicity of the area. Aside from the typical beach front condominiums and homes, the beach itself is a serene, hidden secret. Unlike Daytona beach, Ponce Inlet isn’t heavily traveled by tourists, making it a more ‘under the radar’ beach. It’s a gem for people like me, who enjoy the solitude of a quiet beach.

Ponce Inlet is a good location for any shoot, whether it’s swim wear, engagement sessions, weddings, or family portraits.  There’s a section of the beach I particularly love. It boasts hundreds of rocks, with fossilized shells attached, providing a beautiful landscape background…

While some models might think it’s a bit cliché, for beach shoots, I never tire of the lifeguard stand. It adds that nice pop of color, especially if you’ve got a good photographer with mad photo editing skills.

One of my favorites

Introspective attitude...

 

Roommates

When it comes to living arrangements, I’m one who enjoys solitude.  I’m not one to complain of loneliness, or feel a certain emptiness with lack to a companion.  Living on my own since 20 years old, over the years, developed a deep sense of independence and integrity. I’ve always held high regard to being your own backbone; to never setting too much dependence on anybody.  I enjoyed being responsible for my financial obligations and keeping a home reflective of me.

Unlike many of my friends who moved out into shared housing with roommates, I opted for the solo living arrangement, with no regrets.  I never got an apartment that was too expensive for my means.  My very first was a small, efficiency in the North Canton area of Ohio.  An older building, the exterior was deceiving.  The inside was mediocre; had horribly ugly wood paneling along one wall, the others, typical white drywall.  One window in the whole place, a small kitchen, a smaller bathroom, a living area and a small nook which I would later dub my ‘bedroom’, even though it wasn’t technically a room.  But, for $275 a month couldn’t pass it up. I began my first few years of independence in that tiny place.

While most people greeted the mailbox with apathetic grins, I happily walked down to mine, excited to see some bills in my name. It gave me a sense of importance, a challenge if you will, to get things done, to take care of it, on my own.  Always been a lover of art, and artistically inclined myself, I reflected that with wall decor, numerous framed art, sconces, or plaques.  My lonely window needed some extra zest, so I covered it with a sheer, white panel.  My inner-decorator was coming out, and I welcomed it.  It’s not only who inhabits a home, but also what you make of it, that is a shadow of you.

Over the years, definitely became stuck in my ways. There was a certain way my home had to operate, without trying to sound like a robot.  There was a certain order of things, or, a daily routine if you will.  I definitely kept a clean home, never one to be sloppy. This partly due to the fact I grew up with strict parents, who were on me to keep a clean room, put my dishes away, vacuum, dust, the whole nine yards. In my adolescent moodiness, I thought this was controlling and Nazi- like, but looking back, I appreciate so much of what they did, because now I realize the right way to keep a home.  They instilled a daily routine in me, so the ‘chores’ became habits. Most of my daily routine, putting dishes away, dusting, vacuuming, laundry, became such common knowledge to me, I naively assumed that everyone kept a home in a similar fashion…it wasn’t until I moved in with roommates that I got a rude awakening, a quite annoying one at that.

After about four years living on my own, I regretfully moved in with roommates. Due to financial reasons and the crumbling U.S. economy, I told myself, this is temporary, not permanent, and, on the optimistic side, who knows, I might like it. Never having roommates before, it was definitely something new. Me being already set in my ways at 26 years old, it was an adjustment.  I split a townhouse on the beach with four other people, two couples. One of them, clean like me, the other two, polar opposite.  Over the following months, I noticed little things. Cleanliness issues.  Like hair left in the shower; not a big deal, but the principle, when it comes to consideration, the person should clean it up, no? It became, where, every morning, I jumping in the shower, had to remove a ball of hair from the shower drain- ugh. Or dishes. I’m not one to let dishes accumulate in the sink like some wet, abstract display of disheveled china.  As a matter of habit, I always put my dishes away as soon as I dirtied them. My new roommates apparently didn’t share the same ideals. Sometimes dishes would sit in the sink all day long, and I wondered to myself, there’s 24 hours in a day, can they not take two minutes to put their dishes away? Sometimes, no one bothered to scrub the food off before placing in the dishwasher, they just expected the food to come off, after it’s already been sitting on there for hours. The stupidity was unbelievable! Or, crumbs on the counter.  My first thought was: this brings bugs, bugs are not good.  But, for some reason, the roommates just didn’t think about that.  Or, the one would complain about her laundry task, always having so much to do. But she only did it once a week. I thought, well if you keep up with it during the week, then it’s not so much.  There were times where I would clean up other people’s messes, but then thought to myself, Wait a minute, we’re all grown adults here, and I’m not your Mom. I’m not cleaning your mess. As hard as it was for me to not clean up someone’s leftover dishes or occasional crumbs on the counter, I often times retired to my room, my spotless, orderly mecca.  I sat outside on the deck a lot, gazing out to the ocean across the street, taking a mental siesta from the nuisance in the house. At times, the other girls in would pass by my room, commenting on how nice and orderly it was, and I coudn’t help but think, It’s called cleaning, you should try it sometime! I was beginning to feel as if I was the only one in the house containing any common sense.

It was hard.  Hard to get used to other people’s ways of doing things. Hard to bite my tongue at times.  Hard to not sweat the small stuff; but was it small stuff? In my mind, small stuff grew into bigger stuff, and if not corrected, created a mountain of ignorance. I couldn’t live in a house with people lacking that much common sense. I found myself mentally screaming at them, asking, “Are you that dumb, are you that lazy?” It’s not that I couldn’t live with roommates, it’s that I couldn’t live with sloppy, lazy roommates.  I had a big problem with that. And while there were more important things in life to be worried about, I found myself becoming more and more resentful.  It was like each person cultivated their own surnames with regard to how they kept their living space. I created nicknames for them.  “Mr. and Mrs. Slob”, and “Mr. and Mrs. Master & Servant”. These names reflected the daily goings-on between these two couples. “Mr and Mrs. Master & Servant” was aptly named because, there was no equality in that relationship. The girl did everything: cleaning, cooking, laundry. I don’t think I ever saw him do one load of laundry. They were a truly sedentary couple, spending hours in front of the television, fulfilling that true ‘American’ stereotype. It was really depressing to see, but then again, one had to wonder, what was going on in her head as well, with regard to compromise and shared responsibilities of a household.  And “Mr. and Mrs. Slob” was right on point, I’d never seen people so lazy they couldn’t take dishes down to the sink, they would instead let them sit in their room for days. And forget about vacuuming,  I don’t think I ever heard that run in the whole time I lived there. I said to myself, It’s truly amazing how some people live…

In the end, I only stayed there for seven months of my life. In those seven months, I definitely learned a lot about myself, about others. About what I can take, and what I absolutely cannot stand.  It was a big, fat learning experience. I walked away from it, whispering just that, “It was a learning experience, it was a learning experience…” But definitely one I will not repeat.  Such is life… learning, discovering and coming into one’s own.

My stumble into modeling…

If someone would have asked me three years ago what my hobbies and interests were, modeling would not have been on the list.  However, I remember the drive down to Florida from Ohio when I was moving here, and I remember thinking to myself, okay this is it: Florida, a new chapter in my life, with new possibilities.

Always been a lover of art, art of all kinds.  Painting, drawing, sculpture, photography, even architecture. Modeling encompasses the similar objective of art, which is, without limits.  To just, be. Fashion, glamour, boudoir, abstract, pinup, implied…whatever. Each photograph tells a story, it captures the mood at that very moment when the shutter goes off.

When the idea of modeling crept into my head, I didn’t want to go join some corporate, money hungry modeling agency and stand in line with all the other amateur hopefuls.  I thought it would be more fun to go amateur, independent…and see where it blossomed from there. I wanted to tell a story, I wanted to express my creativity in another way, not just on canvas, sketch paper, or in crafts. I didn’t want to be restricted in what I could do.  The model has a lot of freedom as far as what they want to convey. A model should be able to unfold naturally, revealing layer by layer of their subconscious, producing a beautiful photograph.

I especially like this one because of the contrast of colors, the soft, cool, green grass against my black mass of hair.  And my eyes, lost in the translation of time…

I like playing with color…

And wandering into the dreamy, abstract realm…

I didn’t want my entire portfolio to be a collection of just one common theme (like swim wear or lingerie), but a random, mixed up medley of different style, looks and approaches.  This is where the creativity really runs wild.

Oh, how I love shoes

I welcomed different concepts because I didn’t want to thrown into some category, like ‘Lingerie’ or ‘Contemporary’. I wanted to be uncategorized. Impromptu. Spontaneous…but still able to make pretty things.

Modeling is the world I feel most welcome in, the possibilities are endless as to what you can create…

Me, myself and I: the importance of solitude

I’ve never been one of those people who get security by feeding off the presence of others.  I’ve never been at a lack for friends, making new ones and holding on to old ones.  But I’ve always cherished my alone time.  Does this make me a loner? No. I love my friends, I really do.  With all of them, together I have wonderful memories. Occasionally every few months I get together with a circle of girl friends I’ve made down here in Florida, for our annual ‘girls night out’.  It’s always a good night, filled with laughter, good food, and real conversation. We talk about anything, no bars held.  We have no limits, we’re all very open with who we are and we love it that way.  And I love these nights, however I’d have to say I lead a somewhat solitary life.

I lived on my own for a couple years, I loved it.  I welcomed my independence from my parents with open arms at 20 years old, and when it came to decorating my very first apartment, I was ecstatic.  I looked at the apartment as if it were a blank slate, ready to be drawn on.  I never longed for a roommate, and don’t remember a time where I felt lonely either.  I loved coming home to an empty place, propping my feet up and relaxing in my personal space.  There was nothing more liberating.

It’s always hard to coordinate time together with your friends.  People are busy; for some the workplace is their second home, and for those who have children in addition to work, let’s just say they have next to nil when it comes to downtime.  But just because someone wasn’t available didn’t mean I deprived myself of entertainment.  I’m a promoter of solitary adventures.  Driving alone. Eating alone. Crafting alone. Shopping alone. Enjoying the beach alone.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy my time with my friends, but, if you place too much dependence upon other people to always accompany you, they’ll let you down.

I had a friend like that in high school…and it annoyed the hell out of me.  Nice girl, but she was in a way socially handicapped.  I sometimes felt like I was her parent, coaxing her through that separation anxiety stage which so many children go through.  If she needed something at the mall, she couldn’t go alone, she needed me to tag along.  At school, if she had to use the restroom, I had to damn near hold her hand.  And forget about her ever eating alone in some restaurant.  She avoided these at all costs; it painted her as a loser (what?!).  What was really bizarre was when I declined to join her on certain occasions, she got pissy.  It was time for some friend weeding. As the months passed, my patience was wearing thin with her chronic emotional dependence . I was tired of being her security blanket. I asked myself, Is this girl incapable of finding security within herself? The friendship eventually fizzled, and I moved on, continuing on in the road to find myself, while the girl continued latching on to other people, desperate for them to help her along her road.  But that was the thing: people can’t help you find yourself.  You have to.  It has to be an independent, soul-seeking journey.  How does one accomplish this?  Through time alone.  Have you ever gone to the beach, appreciated the smell of the sea, let your eyes get lost in the waves, and let your mind go on autopilot? Or hiked a winding nature trail, appreciating the quiet sanctuary of leaves and soil…Or sat at the edge of a quiet lake, distracted by the aquatic calm, the kind where you can’t differentiate where the sky ends and the lake begins?

There’s a quote that illustrates the concept of solitude, from Eda LeShan. It reads, “When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death- ourselves.”

 

There’s a lot of truth in that quote.  Like the emotionally dependent friend from school, the fact that she rendered herself incapable of doing independent things, and doing a pouty dance when someone declined to accompany her to the bathroom, lead me to believe she had some serious holes in her soul, perhaps she didn’t like something about herself as a person, therefore reaching out to the presence of others for distraction from her own insecurities? And yes, while one of the amenities of having a friend is always having an ear to listen, if one is constantly surrounded by others, how will one ever get to truly know themselves?  It’s in the quiet moments of life where one can willfully listen to their deepest thoughts, hopes, fears and desires.  This is how we come to understand ourselves. This is the importance of solitude.

Occasional dive into creativity

I’ve always loved art.  From an early age, my mom recorded moments of me always carrying a pad of paper with some drawing utensils.  Every car ride, I had to have something  in my hands to keep my attention diverted from the sometimes lengthy trip.

I thoroughly enjoyed art class in school.  It was like my play time, my mental break from the responsibilities of academia.  Stretching back as far as elementary school, I exhibited extra dexterity when it came to the talents of my hands.  Whether the task at hand was drawing, painting, paper mache or clay, how to accomplish that task was never difficult for me.  While some of the other kids in class would sit there and stare lifelessly into their blank sketch  paper, I was already going to town, letting my imagination flood out onto the paper.  Over the years I won art awards in elementary, middle and high school.  My works were collected on shelves and mantles throughout my parents’ home.

The thing I admire most about art is that there is literally no limits.  In life, there are limits. Restrictions. Detours.  Do not enter signs.  It is a person’s natural curiosity that presses them to challenge these roadblocks. Deep down in every person there’s a part that incessantly cries for freedom, a freedom to express. Art creates a setting in the mind where one can just, be.  It doesn’t have to be right, wrong, left, right, or even make sense.  Whatever you create is a reflection of what you were feeling that day, week or month.  Its a manifestation of your deepest emotions.

Now that I’m 26, out on my own and smothered by the responsibilities of life (bills, work and school), I’ve somewhat neglected my creative muse.  At times I fall into a sedentary creative rut. It’s so easy to get caught up in the fast forward way of life.  Sometimes things move too fast, the day is too short, people and things go unnoticed.  I don’t like that.  But still, there’s times where I come home, sit down, let my mind wander and let my hands do the talking…

My Christmas tree cones

Detail...

I especially like to create things on a rainy day.  I’m not one who likes to hibernate in the house all day, but if it’s a rainy cold one, why not?  Michael’s is a store I go crazy in.  I’ll go in there intending to buy only one thing and come out with ten.  It’s like speed for crafters.  Dangerous but oh-so-tempting.

Below is a Greek vase I created for a mythology class in college a few years back.  As part of the final project we had to depict a myth on the vase, just as the ancient Greeks did.  I illustrated the myth of Athena and Arachne, the weaving contest and how ultimately, Athena is transformed into a spider.

Greek vase

Below was an in-school publication of select students’ poetry and artwork that won a spot in the book.  All the students in the art classes created their own cover design. These designs were judged by the art teachers; the winner ultimately got to see their design on the cover of the publication. I created one modeled after the ancient Egyptian queen Nefertiti.  I chose her because I admired her physical attributes; her elongated neck adorned with royal jewelry, her elaborate headpiece, her seemingly apathetic but beautiful facial expression…The design had a few artistic requirements; it had to be ink, and constructed in all dots, excluding the background.  The shading had to be graduated by dots.  Very time consuming indeed, but was worth it when you sat and looked at the finished product.  I incorporated hieroglyphics into the design to keep in tune with the authentic Egyptian feel.

After a week long deliberation, the judges came into my art class and announced the runners up. I sat there looking down at the table, nervously fiddling my thumbs.  I knew my cover was good, but my humble attitude prevented me from expecting a winning spot. Three other students stood up in front of the class, then they called my name.  What?! Me? I stood there nervously with the others and as the judges pulled the winning cover design out of a manila folder, I saw it was mine.  I was the winner. Ha, so much for the humble attitude.  Maybe I should own up to my artistic awesomeness a little more…